Fragmented Mind

                                          Decietfully Imprisoned by a Fragmented Mind

Banished to a place where keyless steel doors lock from the inside and out.  Punished for living in the wild because the wild is in me. We are the same. Now I am forced to live among a kind because I resemble them.  Twenty-four other men and women (at least that is what I think they are) pace the halls in this lonely place.  

Voices are constantly speaking words that mean nothing to me.  Eyes are all around me; even in the walls and in the ceiling of this place I refuse to make my home.  A number has been assigned to my name and a bed for my head.  My room is the only place where no one is watching.

 If I wasn’t paranoid from my own delusional thinking when I arrived, I certainly am now. Not only is the Universe plotting to kill me, but now forces beyond my control have limited the places I can hide. The shadows of trees that sheltered me from harsh elements and nurtured my soul are now replaced with heartless wood that had been slaughtered and stripped from the only place I felt at home. The place where the songbirds sing their lullabies.

The ladies in blue say they can help me with the whispers that are slewing violent thoughts inside my head.  I don’t believe they can be silenced for long.  This diagnosis hovers like a vulture circling its prey.

When the brilliant warmth of the day begins to settle from the solitary window in the common place of this heartless home, this weary body retreats to a territory marked by my name written in pink:    Robin (Thrush).  A name that no longer suits the creature I have become.  The melodies I used to whistle are no longer in harmony with the voices in my head. 

Tender bones sit in silence as the dirty, yellow, heartless walls inside my room start to enclose on me.  The air is fleeting.  I fear demons on the other side are trying to escape from within the walls.  Their faces leave impression marks as they try to beat their way through the pale yellow that surrounds me. Paranoia is accelerating. Visual and auditory hallucinations are my reality.

Whispers are inviting me to join them down the hallway. They want me to come out and play in the playground they call Freedom, but the brown trim on the doorway in my room snarls at me as I try to cross the threshold. 

The banging, the clanging, the knocking, the bodies, the different tones of voices talking over one another,  the screaming and crying are increasing the insanity that put me here in the first place.

I need to escape this growing hysteria- this madness that the ladies in blue say, "only exists in my mind.”

 I scream, cover my ears so tightly that fingernails pierce my lobes. Streams of moisture tickle my neck. I find a rhythmic beat as my forehead repeatedly kisses the yellow, heartless walls.  The creatures on the other side begin to caress my mind, but their comforting touch quickly turns to envious groping.  An explosion of betrayal destroys what's left of my security, my nest.  A thick, dark smoke rapidly fills my room and begins to encompass me. I am suffocating from thoughts entangled in my mind. Constant clatter bangs off the inner parts of my head like bats flying in a cave without direction.

This peculiar aberration has left me abandoned and shackled in the prison of my mind. The only thing my fertile womb is left to nurture are the fantasies I believe to be real.

The corridors outside my room show no mercy.  Words bounce off them only to deceive.

For a moment there is silence, then clarity.  I snarl back at the brown trim on the doorway and cross the line from my room; my mind. Like a convict wishing for freedom, I run toward the double doors that are locked on both sides, only to be tackled to the ground by the ladies in blue.  They take me back to my room where the demons live inside the dirty, yellow, heartless walls.

Faces above me are stripped of kindness.  I am bound by my arms and legs- hopeless and left vulnerable to the walls that are trying to kill me.

My body yearns for a gentle touch but the ladies in blue dominated my flesh with an agression that letft marks on my limbs that resemble the milky way of the earth’s nightime sky.

Restrained against my will, my limbs are tingling, my body quivering.

My wings have been clipped before I ever learned to fly. 
A faceless Healer in white claims my tender bones will not return to a world of normalcy and my mind will not thrive without His potion. 

                                          These are not paranoid illusions- They are real!

              I am not delusional, I am the master who can set myself free.

 How can I become victorious if I am locked in a room with yellow, heartless walls that contain demons who wish nothing more than to take my freedom away?

My mind is running a marathon but my body has been forsaken.  The demons have sunk their teeth into my flesh and tainted the blood flowing in my veins.

Their razor sharp teeth inject poisonous venom into what’s left of my body; cold, paralyzed-

I have become nothing more than another frozen face residing in a lonely place; baron, destitute of Mother Earth's comforts, left with a mind deprived of potential, and chemically altered with the evil potions of man.